Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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