Ambien. No doubt about it.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
