just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
