Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Well I just put wine in my tea
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
