i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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