Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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