Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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