I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
