I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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