Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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