...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
