Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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