I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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