So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
