your parents love me but you hate me
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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