but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
