it was like eating out sand paper
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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