last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
