Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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