At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
