need another drink. this is the easiest way
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
