How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I cockslap morals
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
