Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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