I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
