i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
why do cheetos always look like penises
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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