What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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