giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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