tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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