You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I stole a fireplace last night.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
