is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
