her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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