i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
