Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
