Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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