Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
