please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
