I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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