Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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