I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
