In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
