I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize