At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
