Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
