sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
