I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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