Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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