dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
