I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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