By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
