this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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