I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
