I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
