and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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