I wish my penis had an off switch
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
