I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
