Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Randomize
