corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
