You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
