she smelled like a LAN party
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
