I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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