If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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