Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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