Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
