wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
