If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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