Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Damn victory sex feels great
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize