Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
