i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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