dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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