I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
