I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize