You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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