woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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